Lifesavers and Other Tidbits

Patience. People, I’m telling you that patience is overrated. Sometimes you just need to walk up to the offending person look them straight in the eye, call them an idiot, and just rare back and smack ‘em real good! Okay, so maybe that wouldn’t be the most Christlike thing to do, but admit it…you giggled somewhere down inside yourself when you read that. We all have those thoughts from time to time…especially those of you who have teenagers in your house.
What is the deal with teenagers? I have three: Alex, Christopher, and Jonathan. Don’t get me wrong, I have amazing boys. They are smart. They are talented. They aren’t hard on the eyes…I mean, really, they look like their mother. I am, however, firmly convinced, though that whilst a young person approaches his or her 12th birthday, aliens from another world send spies to our planet to research the human adolescent mind. Apparently they are just as baffled with their little alien teenagers. Around twelve years old those little alien spies only buzz a round a little and occasional remove their brains for further study and return them hoping the parents of those kids won’t notice the bumbling idiotic behavior exuding from their once cherubic children. I’m on to them, I tell ya. And as the year passes, those little intergalactic spies get bolder. Somewhere around the young person’s 13th birthday, they somehow remove the brain completely. I personally think they suck it out through the ear while they are sleeping or something. This deduction was only made after the three time experience. Here’s what happens: one night you will kiss little Bobby good-night, and the following morning, a strange shell of a creature will emerge from the bedroom. Now apparently what really occurs is that in place of the human brain that once resided inside his gorgeous little head is secured an expanse of knowledge exceeding that of Solomon, Arostotle, and Einstein combined. Let’s face it, we as parents become stammering, drooling morons when that transformation occurs. When you have three teenagers living in your home, one can only imagine how incredibly lacking in mental capacity you feel. I’m telling you,. I’m considering quitting my job, withdrawing my boys from school, investing in some sort of research lab and letting them find the answers to all of the problems in the universe, thus securing my financial security. I think it will work, and that little log cabin secluded out in the woods with a pond and three horses sounds really great right about now. It is my understanding from speaking with other parents whose children are now adults that I need to strike while the iron is hot because this window of heightened intellect eventually ends when the aliens return the human brain somewhere around the age of 25. I’m thinking they could solve a lot of problems in 10-12 years. Cure Cancer. Reverse Global Warming. Clarify a reason why men can’t bring themselves to put the toilet seat down after they use it during the night…I’m telling you, a wet tushie following a plunge into the toilet really tries that patience I’m supposed to possess as a wife and mother. Can I get an “Amen!” from all the wives and mothers, please? These are serious issues, people. We need to utilize the vast knowledge and wisdom of our teens while they still know everything. Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but you know that some of these thoughts have crossed your mind.
If you are approaching this particular era in your life, or if you are already smack dab in the middle of raising teenagers, I beg you, no, I implore you…DO NOT PRAY FOR PATIENCE…and I’ll tell you why. You see, the only way to develop patience is to try your patience. Trials and tribulations must be endured and dealt with in order for that little patience well to fill up. Some people have patience by the bucket load, but with all the stuff I endured whilst filling only a thimble of patience, I am pretty sure I’d spend a stint in Levenworth Prison for committing murder or worse in a padded cell for losing my mind if I endured the trials worthy of bucket loads of patience. I pray for wisdom. I mean, Solomon did it, and he is still known as the wisest man in all of history. I’ve not found a sinister plot of trials and turmoil attached to that particular prayer, yet, so for the time being, that is my suggestion. Wisdom. That’s what you pray for, not patience. Wisdom, yes. Patience, no. Are you picking up what I’m laying down, here. Although, if I find out that “Confucious say, in order to swim in wisdom, one must first clothe himself in the suit & flippers of patience,” I’m going to hunt that little dude down and refer back to the opening of this chapter and beat the improper English out of him.
Unfortunately, I’m afraid our children sometimes make decisions that seem insane to us because of the way we handle situations. My dad used to say that children will do in excess what parents do in moderation. Uh Oh!! I’m in trou….ble! I distinctly remember a few times that I called some one a crazy person for cutting me off in traffic. I may have put it in words that aren’t as polite as that, but I made the assumption that they did what they did on purpose. I could have taken it as an opportunity to teach my children something. I could have pointed out why it was dangerous for a driver to make that sort of mistake so maybe when my children get behind a wheel they will think better of it. Better yet, I could have taught them by example to let things that are not important just roll off their back, but, no, I didn’t think before I reacted. That was my problem. I reacted when I should have responded. A good response would have been to simply slow down a bit and let the person pull in so he could make his needed turn to go home to his family. By reacting, I made an assumption about a complete stranger and I taught my children that you handle stress by blowing up. I also remember a time when I came home from a long day of work in dire need of peace and quiet. On that day, the boys had a track meet, and my daughter had a super terrific day in preschool and all four of them were excited to tell me about the day’s events at the same time. Instead of simply asking them to talk one at a time and listening intently to them, hanging on every word, I was impatient with them and spoke a bit too harshly. Okay, so I raved like a mad woman, but I should have handled it differently. All the while, my children were watching and learning how to handle a similar situation when they are parents. I taught them to worry only about what they needed that day. Shame on me. Patience sure would have been handy then. Other parents deal with different issues of moderation: drinking, spousal abuse, overspending, gossiping, demanding perfection, pornography, verbal abuse, and the list can go on and on. What we as parents have to realize is that everything we do will one day be played out in the lives of our children in one way or another with our grandchildren as the recipients of those behaviors. Of course they have the option to make a different decision, but what if their thought process is, “My parents did it, and I turned out okay.” Our kids, even though they go thru stages of thinking we are complete flaming imbeciles, value our system of parenting. We are their greatest teachers, and we don’t require a four to twelve year college degree to claim the opportunity. We certainly need to make an effort to better understand the impact our actions have on our children.
So, the next time you scream like a maniac at some unsuspecting violator of your vehicular space on the highway, keep in mind that little Susie and Bobby are in the back seat soaking in the way to handle situations. Okay, so maybe it would be okay to pray for a bit of patience if you are careful in your prayers, but if you do, allow me to make this disclaimer: If you pray for that thing that is such a virtue, strap yourself in for the ride of your life, honey, because God is faithful to hear and answer your prayers. I still pray for wisdom…wisdom for the right words to say in a difficult situation, wisdom for the best way to handle a hurtful situation with my teenagers, and wisdom as to how to get my seven year old to clean her room. That is a whole other issue. If you have a teenager who has solved that universal problem, please call me. Yes, patience is virtue. It is very important. Wisdom, on the other hand is a life saver. The bible says in Proverbs 3:15, “Happy is the person who finds wisdom. Wisdom is more precious than silver; it brings more wealth than gold. With her right hand, wisdom brings you long life, and with her left, wealth prosperity.” Wisdom. That’s the ticket…anyway, that’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it!